Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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