Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
