Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
