My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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