Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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