woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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