We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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