But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
jump out the window naked night went bad
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
