A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
