Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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