toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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