even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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