Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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