Got a toothbrush?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
