I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize