"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
