Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
