So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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