I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
