Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
