Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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