That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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