My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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