She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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