you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize