Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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