Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
