i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
