your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize