you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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