No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
FUCK WHALES
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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