Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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