Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
