was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
