bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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