I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
