At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
