I'm laying in your front yard are you home
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
