do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is it because I queefed?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
