I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize