I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
