just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
