I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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