dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
