Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
