for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
