Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
