I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
