She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
