paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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