I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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