I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize