If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
