i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
