Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
