Whod you bang
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Randomize
