i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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