i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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