Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
