Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
