he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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