she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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