I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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