Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
