i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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