My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
