the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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