That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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