And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
