she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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