It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
