The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
