All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Randomize
