Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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