Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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