Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
